This Same Earth Read online

  She shook her head, still wishing she could deny the words coming out of his mouth as she turned her face and stained his shirt with her tears. Mano placed a warm hand on her cheek.

  “I feel like you’re on this wave, baby. And you’re slipping away from me a little more every day. Slipping away somewhere you don’t want me to go. Someplace I just—I can’t quite see.” He leaned down and whispered in her ear. “I want to catch you, but I don’t think you want to be caught.”

  Beatrice cried, and her mind screamed, ‘No,’ but she couldn’t form the words.

  “And I’ve been chasing the waves, thinking if I could just catch you, I could hold you back, and maybe you’d finally love me the way I love you.”

  She curled her fingers in his shirt. “I do love you, Mano,” she whispered, wishing desperately that it was enough.

  “But not—not the way you love him.” He cleared his throat. “I wish it wasn’t the truth, but it is.”

  He tilted her chin up and wiped her cheeks with the sleeve of his shirt, but Beatrice couldn’t stop crying.

  “Mano,” she choked out, reaching up to touch his face with shaking hands. He stared at her with sad eyes.

  “There’s this huge thing you two hold between each other. I don’t think you even realize how much I can see it. It’s like all the dark places in you, the ones you never let me into, are open to him. And I’d chase away the dark for you—I’ve been trying for years—but I don’t think you really want me to.”

  He cupped her cheeks with his warm, callused hands and pulled her tear stained face to his so he could lay a soft kiss on her mouth.

  “I love you so much,” Beatrice said as her tears rolled into his hands.

  “But it’s not enough, is it?”

  She met his dark eyes and whispered in surrender, “No.”

  His face fell in pain, and his grip tightened on her jaw for only a second before his hands went lax and his arms fell to the side.

  “You need to go now, B.”

  She choked on her tears but managed to nod as she climbed off his lap. Beatrice silently gathered the few things she kept at Mano’s apartment and walked back to him. She leaned down to kiss his cheek but he turned away from her.

  “Please, don’t.”

  “Okay,” she whispered. “Okay.”

  She was shaking by the time she made it to the door, and she heard his low voice for the last time. “Don’t disappear completely. I want to know you’re okay.”

  “Bye, Mano,” Beatrice whispered before she opened the door, stumbling down the stairs as the tears ran down her face and the sun blinded her. She walked to the shade of the small carport and pulled out her phone to dial with trembling hands.

  “Dez? Can you come get me?” She paused to wipe her eyes with her sleeve. “I think I need to stay with you for a while.”

  Beatrice stayed in Dez’s guest room for three nights, ignoring the calls Giovanni made to her mobile phone and crying more than she had since her father died. Giovanni came to Dez’s door every night, but she always sent him away.

  She cried for days.

  She cried for the guilt of not being able to love Mano the way he deserved. She cried for the lies she had told him and herself for so many years. And she cried because she already missed him.

  She didn’t allow herself to think about her argument with Giovanni the night of the “accident” or the stunning emotional revelations he had made. It was too much, and her heart, along with her head, felt like it would burst.

  By the end of the week, she was utterly and completely spent by tears and the weight of decisions that hung over her. Dez couldn’t comfort her, and she refused to call her grandmother while she was such a mess.

  The one thing that kept echoing in her mind was the admonition Giovanni had given her the night they’d kissed.

  “You need to tell them. You say you love them and you want them to be a part of your life, so why don’t you trust them?”

  She’d already killed her relationship with Mano with the weight of her secrets and the walls she had built, so she called Dez into the pale blue room where she was lying on the bed, determined not to lose another person she loved.

  “Dez, I need to talk to you.”

  Beatrice told her everything.

  She told her about murdered fathers and missing books. About mysterious men with blue fire and secrets. About blood and betrayal. Sacrifice and rescue. She told her best friend everything except Giovanni’s secrets. Beatrice even called Matt to confirm the story, so Dez didn’t feel like she had to call the men in white coats. Her friend was sitting on the bed with a dazed expression, looking like she’d just fallen down a very long rabbit hole.

  “Was I wrong to tell you?”

  Dez frowned. “I’m not quite sure at this point.”

  She nodded. “If you want, he can erase it all. Gio can, I mean. If you don’t want to know. If it’s too much.”

  “Did he offer that?” Dez looked worried. “Does he know you told me?”

  “He told me I should tell the people I love.”

  Dez thought for a moment.

  “Did you tell Mano? Is that why you broke up?”

  “No.” She shook her head. “I didn’t tell Mano.”

  “Oh...okay,” Dez stuttered. “Just give me a few minutes here.”

  “Okay.”

  They sat in silence for a few more minutes.

  “B?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Why did Giovanni come back? Is it this Lorenzo guy? Is he back now?”

  She took a deep breath. “He says he came back for me. He said…”

  “What?”

  “That he loves me. That he wants me to be with him.”

  “You mean like…”

  “Yeah, I think so.”

  Dez paused again. “So, he wants you to…”

  “It sounds like it.”

  “Because he loves you?”

  Beatrice shrugged. “I guess so.”

  “But you don’t believe him.”

  She shook her head. “I don’t know what to believe anymore. I’m really…”

  “What?”

  “Confused,” Beatrice sighed.

  “Yeah…there’s a lot of that going around.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  Dez frowned at her. “Why?”

  “I should have told you before. I shouldn’t have lied about so much of my past.”

  “Oh, sweetie,” Dez pulled her into a hug. “I totally understand why.”

  “And now that I told you, I feel like I’m putting you in danger.”

  Dez pulled away and a familiar, stubborn expression settled over her face. “That is not something that you should be worried about. If that’s the cost of being your friend…”

  “What?”

  Dez reached over and enveloped her in another hug.

  “Totally worth it, B.”

  She sniffed as the tears started again. “Thanks, Dezi. I love you. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you.”

  “I know. I’m pretty awesome.”

  Beatrice snorted, then they both laughed. Beatrice began to slump as the days of emotional exhaustion started to catch up with her. Dez, however, was looking surprisingly perky.

  “So, Matt knows about all this stuff?”

  Beatrice called her next-door neighbor and asked him to drive her to the Huntington to get her motorcycle so she could go home for the first time in a week.

  “Do you think she’ll be okay?” she asked Matt as he drove her back to Pasadena.

  “She’ll be fine,” he said with a smile. “Dez is tougher than she looks. And really smart. Don’t you remember that crazy feeling you had when you first found out?” He shrugged. “She’ll manage.”

  “How long have you known Gio?”

  “About ten years. About vampires, longer. My father did some work for him back in the day, and Gio…well, he trusts our family, I guess.”

  “What do you actually
do?” she asked with a frown. “You can’t be a realtor.”

  He chuckled and reached a hand across the front seat. “Matt Kirby, private investigator. Nice to meet you, Beatrice De Novo.”

  She snorted and slapped at his hand. He laughed and faced forward again, watching for the exit as they neared South Pasadena. Beatrice noticed that he was unusually chipper.

  “You’re going to ask Dez out, aren’t you?”

  “Yep,” he said with a grin.

  “Good. Why did you wait so long?”

  He shrugged. “Too many secrets. You think I could keep all that from her and have a chance?”

  She sighed and shook her head. “Probably not, Matt. Good luck.”

  “You too,” he said with a smile.

  Beatrice saw the Mustang parked at the curb and Giovanni sitting in the dim light of the porch when she arrived. He looked at her, no doubt noticing the exhaustion that lined her face and her eyes, which felt like they had been swollen with tears for days on end.

  She was irritated he was there, and she didn’t know any of the answers he was probably looking for. She just wanted to be alone.

  “Hi,” he said.

  “Hi.”

  “Kirby called me.”

  “Good for him.” She attempted to walk past him as she dug out her keys. He shot up and tried to block her path to the front door.

  “Beatrice—”

  “Nothing you say,” she bit out, “is going to make me feel better right now. Nothing.” She took a deep breath. “I don’t want to talk to you or see you for a while, so please leave me alone.”

  “I have information about who attacked Mano.”

  She closed her eyes and pressed the heel of her hand into her forehead to try to still the headache that began pounding.

  “Just…give me a few days,” she whispered. “I need a few days, Gio.”

  He tried to touch her shoulder, but she pushed him away.

  “I understand,” he murmured.

  “No, you really, really don’t.”

  He paused before speaking. “I’ll put them off for a few days. Call me when you’re ready to talk.”

  Beatrice still had her eyes closed when she heard him walk past her, down the porch, and toward his car. She didn’t open them until she heard the Mustang pull away. Then she opened the door and retreated to her silent house.

  Chapter Seven

  Los Angeles, California

  December 2009

  “Anything else?”

  “I got a call from Ernesto’s assistant today wondering whether you were going to bring B by this week.”

  Giovanni frowned and tugged on his hair. It still wasn’t as long as when he first met Beatrice, but it had grown around four inches from the time he’d singed it off when Lorenzo had taken her.

  “When does he need to know?”

  “Kelli said he was going down to Mexico for some business next week so he was hoping to meet with you both tomorrow evening, if possible.”

  He nodded. “Let me ask her tonight. She and Benjamin are due back soon.”

  Matt smiled. “Spending time with the kid, huh?”

  Giovanni cocked his eyebrow. “He’s been her preferred company for the last couple of weeks.”

  “Well…” The private detective shifted in his seat, looking slightly nervous. “Mano…he was a good guy. I mean, I know it’s none of my business and all—”

  “Do you consider yourself her friend, Kirby?”

  Matt nodded. “I do.”

  “Then it’s your business,” Giovanni said, giving the tacit approval the man seemed to need. “And I’m not going to kill you for liking Beatrice’s ex.”

  “Good to know,” he said with a tight smile.

  “How is the lovely Desiree? Beatrice said you two are seeing each other.”

  Matt chuckled. “Well, after the initial shock, she’s fairly fascinated by all of it, to be honest. I think being part of the supernatural world gave me a leg up dating her.”

  Giovanni smiled before he burst into laughter. “Well, you’ve certainly taken enough risks over the years, I’m glad it finally paid off for you. Thank God for curious women.”

  Matt’s head cocked when he heard the hum of the Mustang coming up the drive. “I should go.”

  “I’ll call you about the meeting with Alvarez later tonight.”

  “Let me know. I’m sure he won’t mind putting it off for the girl, with their connection, but it’s getting close to Christmas and I know you’re leaving for Texas…”

  “No, I understand the urgency.”

  “And I’m not sure how long you want that guy to sit in the dry room, either.”

  “Oh,” Giovanni murmured. “The longer the better as far as that goes. As long as he’s conscious, he’ll suit my purposes.”

  Matt nodded. “Just give me a call when you have a date. If it’s not office hours for you, I’ll take care of arranging the appointment.”

  “Thank you, Kirby. Your assistance, as always, has been excellent.”

  “No problem at all.” He nodded toward the vampire, who showed him to the door.

  “And give your father and mother my best.”

  “Of course. Have a nice night.”

  Giovanni closed the door and walked back to the kitchen, curious why he hadn’t heard the stomping and shouting that normally followed Ben’s return to the house. When the basketball began to bounce, he had his answer. He heated a glass of bagged blood and sat down at the counter to drink. Soon, Ben and Beatrice’s quiet conversation drifted to his ears.

  “—doesn’t matter if you want to go. It’s part of life. Just get it over with.”

  “But I hear really bad stuff about going to the dentist, and I’ve never been. My teeth are probably super bad, and he’ll have to pull them all or something.”

  He could hear Beatrice laugh. “You’re not going to get all your teeth pulled. I’ll make the appointment with my dentist. She’s really cool, and I’m sure she can fit you in next week.”

  “Hey, did you ask Gio if we could go to the blue alien movie?”

  “Not yet.” He could barely hear her mutter.

  “Oh, come on, B! Will you guys stop fighting already? You could at least start talking to each other again.”

  He was tempted to go out and yank Ben’s ear for talking to Beatrice that way, but he was too curious what she would say in response.

  “Gee, Ben, I’m so sorry my disagreement with your uncle is cutting into your precious movie attendance. I’ll see what I can do.”

  “It’s not that, and you know it.” Giovanni heard the basketball bounce a few more times and someone threw it toward the basket. “You guys are both just…”

  “What?” she asked the question on the tip of his own tongue as he listened in.

  “You’re sad. Both of you. It sucks.”

  “Well,” he heard her start, “sometimes shitty things just happen, Ben, and it takes time to work through them. It’s not like I like being mad at him. Besides—” Her voice dropped. “—I’m mostly mad at myself.”

  His heart ached for her, and he had to fight the urge to rush out and embrace her. Giovanni knew his comfort was still unwelcome.

  “Well, figure it out by Christmas, okay? This is my first huge Christmas with lots of grown-ups giving me stuff, and I don’t want you two spoiling it.”

  Giovanni almost snorted blood through his nose, and he grabbed a napkin from the holder on the counter. Luckily, he heard the welcome sound of Beatrice’s laughter, as well.

  “I’ll keep that in mind.”

  “You know he’s listening to us in the kitchen right now, don’t you? You should go say hi and stay for dinner. Actually, you should cook because you’re way better at it than Gio is. Or we could order pizza! I know where he keeps his wallet.”

  Giovanni rolled his eyes and sent a small prayer toward heaven. Carwyn would be pleased, he thought, he hadn’t prayed this much since Caspar started driving. Just as his eye
s opened, he heard the kitchen door open and Beatrice walked into the house. He took a deep breath, enjoying the scent of her, fresh from the brisk air outside.

  “Hi,” she said.

  “Hello.”

  “Apparently I’m a better cook than you are.”

  “I have a hard time imagining that’s a surprise,” he said with a smile.

  He saw her glance at his glass. “Bagged blood?”

  Giovanni shrugged. “Unless you’re offering…”

  Her eyes darted around the kitchen and she walked to the refrigerator to open it. “Uh, no. Not tonight. And there are tons of clubs in Los Angeles, why don’t you just—”

  “No thanks,” he said. “Haven’t gone that route in years.”

  Beatrice turned to look at him. “What? Years?”

  He glanced meaningfully at her neck and sipped his glass. “Yes, years.”

  She turned back to the refrigerator and paused before she started pulling out what looked like the ingredients for a salad, or maybe tacos, which he knew Ben loved.

  She worked quietly as Ben continued playing outside and Giovanni pretended to read a book. He heard her start to say something a number of times, but she stopped herself and continued working.

  “Ben’s doctor said he’s healthy as a horse, by the way.”

  He nodded. “I assumed he was. I had him checked out in New York and his scent hasn’t changed significantly.”

  “So, if a person is sick or something, they smell different?”

  He nodded. “Yes, human scent changes quite significantly for all sorts of reasons. Health, hormones, even age …”

  She chuckled. “I just had the realization that you have to smell adolescent boy on a daily basis.”

  Giovanni winced before he grinned. “You have no idea.”

  She shook her head, still laughing, and he suddenly realized they were smiling at each other for the first time in weeks. She must have realized it at the same time, and a sad smile replaced her laugh.

  “So, your sense of smell is a little scary, to be honest. I always wonder if I’m wearing enough deodorant around you and Carwyn.”

  “I wouldn’t worry. You usually smell lovely. Especially when you first wake up,” he added quietly.